Sometimes I think that I’m too open-minded. I can’t tie myself down to any particular idea or group or commit myself to anything. My head is just full of arguments and counter-arguments and pros and cons of everything. I struggle to choose subjects in my course because one minute something will seem really interesting and important to study, and the next I wonder if there is any point in anybody studying it at all. I constantly second-guess the choices I make, and wonder if I should be on a completely different path.
I’m not opposed to tattoos or marriage, but I’ve never been able to picture myself going through with either because I can’t imagine that my ideas about either will stay constant over time. I don’t think I’ll stay the same person over time, so why would I commit to anything that lasts for life? I don’t even like labelling myself anything, because my ideas are constantly shifting and changing and don’t stay in place long enough or firmly enough for me to call myself anything.
This isn’t to say that nothing about me stays the same. There’s a lot about me that’s remained constant over a long period of time. I’m studying a degree I wanted to do since I was 16, and I still pretty much dress like I did when I was 16, but I’ve constantly questioned myself in every way since then, and considered making drastic changes to both things.
Usually I’m happy being open-minded, but sometimes it seems flighty and lazy to lack a commitment to anything. Well, almost anything.
- 10-year-old me: Wow idk that's a lot of money
- 15-year-old me: Kickass, that's so cheap
- 20-year-old me: Wow idk that's a lot of money
My mum keeps telling me to like my dad and spend time with him or whatever and I just don’t see why this is a thing that I should have to do ugh
Anonymous said: What are the signs of emotional abuse?
Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.
Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.
Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.
Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.
Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.
Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,
Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.
Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.
Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.
Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.
Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.
Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.
Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.
Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.
Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.
Every day that I don’t suffer from crippling anxiety I just feel so grateful and proud of myself to have gotten to where I am from where I was, but at the same time I wish I could do more to help people who are in the same position I was in because I know how hard it is and I just hope that they can also find a light at the end of the tunnel